I Am Thankful ...

For the wife who says, "It is hot dogs tonight",
Because she is home with me,
And not out with someone else.

For the husband who is on the sofa being a couch potato,
Because he is home with me,
And not out at the bars.

For the teenager who is complaining about doing dishes
Because it means she is at home,
Not on the streets.

For the taxes I pay
Because it means I am employed.

For the mess to clean after a party
Because it means I have been surrounded by friends.

For the clothes that fit a little too snug
Because it means I have enough to eat.

For my shadow that watches me work
Because it means I am out in the sunshine

For a lawn that needs mowing,
Windows that need cleaning,
And gutters that need fixing,
Because it means I have a home.

For all the complaining I hear about the government
Because it means we have freedom of speech. .

For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot
Because it means I am capable of walking
And I have been blessed with transportation.

For my huge heating bill
Because it means I am warm.

For the lady behind me in church who sings off key
Because it means I can hear.

For the pile of laundry and ironing
Because it means I have clothes to wear.

For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day
Because it means I have been capable of working hard.

For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours
Because it means I am alive.

| grateful | thankful | life | family | friends | inspirational | encouragement | uplifting |

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How Heavy is Your Burden?

A lecturer was giving a lecture to his student on stress management. He raised a glass of water and asked the audience, "How heavy do you think this glass of water is?"

The students' answers ranged from 20g to 500gm.

"It does not matter on the absolute weight. It depends on how long you hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it is Ok. If I hold it for an hour, I will have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you will have to call an ambulance. It is the exact same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

"If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, we will not be able to carry on, the burden becoming increasingly heavier. What you have to do is to put the glass down, rest for a while before holding it up again."

We have to put down the burden periodically, so that we can be refreshed and are able to carry on.

So before you return home from work tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it back home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you are having now on your shoulders, let it down for a moment if you can.

Pick it up again later when you have rested....

| wisdom | life | burden | struggle | relief | rest | refresh |

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Never Boast And Don't Stop Learning

In ancient Japan, when a new student seeks admission to study at a monastery, he is required to have an audience with the master, a sort of pre-entrance interview if you will.

One day, an intelligent student appeared before the master for such a session.

As they sat together, the young man started to impress the master with his knowledge and accomplishments.

When the master offered tea to him, he continued speaking without acknowledging the master; so absorbed was he in his own cleverness.

All of a sudden, he jumped up, reacting to the hot tea flooding over the tabletop and dripping onto his legs.

"Master!" he shouted. "The cup is overflowing!"

The Master continued pouring the tea, spilling it on to the floor. Then he replied, "So are you. Please come back when you are empty and in need of my teaching."

Keep your mind humble and open to new ideas.

You’ll learn much more in the process, and continue to develop as a human being.

Think of your brain as the cup in the story.

If you fill it up with your ego, you’ll never get more knowledge in.

As Ray Kroc, founder of McDonald’s once said, "When you are green, you will grow; but when you ripen, you will rot and fall."

| wisdom | life | values | boast | ego | humble |

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Treasure What You Have

A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the apple of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open.

He was late for work so he asked the wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. The mother, preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot the matter.

The boy playfully went to the medicine bottle and, fascinated with its color, drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child showed signs of poisoning the mother took him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband. When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just four words.

QUESTIONS:

1. What were the four words?

2. What is the implication of this story?

Scroll down for the answers only after you have tried to come up with your own.

---

ANSWER:

The husband just said "I Love You Darling".

The husband's totally unexpected reaction is proactive behavior. He is indeed a genius in human relationships. The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point in finding fault with the mother.

She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy, love from the husband. That is what he gave her.

If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world. We could let go and forgive for forgiveness is virtuous and divine....and to err is human

"A journey of a thousand miles, begins with but with a single step."

Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears AND you will find things are actually not so difficult as you think.

| wisdom | life | values | love | children | parents | family | spouse | treasure |

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Been Thinking About: Ten Things I Learned From My Dad

"Been Thinking About" is a monthly article by RBC Ministries President Mart De Haan.

In the memories that come with a parent's passing, I've been reminded of what my dad taught those of us who lived and worked with him.

In many ways, Dad didn't have an easy life. Long before his problems with a detached retina, heart surgery, and Parkinson's disease, he lived in the shadow of his own father's colorful and commanding personality. While most people knew Dad as a strong-voiced, caring, and faithful teacher of the Bible, those of us who were close to him know that along the way Dad also wrestled with serious and deep questions about his own abilities and self-worth.

Looking back, I'm beginning to realize how much he taught us not only by his strengths but also by the way he responded to his weaknesses. I know my three brothers would agree that Dad showed us how to:

1. Admit when we are wrong. We all remember Dad's willingness to admit his faults. I'm not sure why that seems important enough to mention first. It could be that I've heard my wife Di talk about how that quality impressed her. When visiting in our home before we were married, she saw Dad come to the dinner table and, before sitting down, apologize to the family for his irritability toward Mom. Or, maybe I just can't think of anything that continues to be more necessary for me than to admit my own wrongs.

2. Don't try to be someone else. Dad knew what it was like to be compared to his gifted and much-loved father. Some told him he didn't have what it would take to lead the ministry his father founded. The comparisons were hard on him. But over time he used the experience to show us how to be the person God made us to be. And as a result of what he found in the trenches of his own battle for self-respect, he gave the rest of us the freedom we needed to be ourselves as well.

3. Think small while dreaming big. Dad showed us the importance of being honest in little things. He'd go back to a restaurant to return change if he found he'd been given too much at the cash register. What others called "white lies" were big issues to him. He didn't even like to exaggerate to make a point. For him, issues of urgency or cost were no excuse to forget the principle that "he who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much" (Luke 16:10). Attention to detail, however, didn't keep him from dreaming. His vision for outreach through television and multiple teachers resulted in years of growth of RBC Ministries.

4. Be careful what we say about others. Dad wasn't part of "the grapevine" that circulates news of other people's failures. I don't remember hearing him talk about other leaders' mistakes. Maybe it was because he himself had felt the sting of unkind rumors and remarks. He simply took to heart the Scriptures that call us to love one another. The 13th chapter of 1 Corinthians was one of Dad's favorite Scripture passages, and he read it often to his staff.

5. Read biographies with a grain of salt. Dad's reluctance to be unnecessarily critical of others came with an interesting footnote. He didn't put a lot of stock in biographies. Although he saw the value of "stories of great people," he took them with a grain of salt. He knew that the real story of a person's life is seldom published.

6. Relax with those who are important to you. Dad worked hard. While taking his leadership responsibilities seriously, he wrote, edited, and rewrote his messages and devotionals until they had the simplicity and clarity he was looking for. But he also knew how to put his work aside and relax. He loved walks on the beach or going for a drive in the country with Mom. He looked forward to spending time on the golf course with friends. I remember how much he enjoyed showing my brothers and me how to use a fly rod to work an orange spider into the lily pads of a quiet lake as we hunted for bluegill or largemouth bass. We also have plenty of memories of him at home with a bowl of popcorn and a board game like Monopoly or Scrabble.

7. Cultivate balance. Dad learned by experience to listen to both sides of an argument. In his later years he told us how, as a young manager, he'd listen to one side of an employee conflict and think he understood the problem. Then he'd talk to the other side and hear a completely different perspective. The balance and fairness he cultivated in employee relationships showed up in other ways too. In so many ways he taught us to avoid one-sided extremes in thinking or behavior.

8. Avoid irreverent jokes. Over the years we saw in Dad a healthy fear of the Lord. Jokes about the Scripture were out of bounds as far as he was concerned. It wasn't that he didn't have a sense of humor. He loved a good laugh. But he drew the line when it came to talking lightly about God or the Bible.

9. Question our own use of Scripture. Because of Dad's reverence for the Word of God, he also taught us to second guess the way we quote the Bible. When critiquing manuscripts written by his staff, he would repeatedly write in the margin, "Does the Bible really say that? Really?" He showed us that if we really want to trust or teach what God has said, we need to be willing to doubt our own interpretations and motives.

10. Trust in God and do the right. Since Dad's passing many of his friends, co-workers, and family members have agreed on one central focus that seems to best represent his life. Much of the legacy he left us can be summed up in the words, "Trust in God and do the right." We remember those words as they are repeated in a poem written by Norman Macleod that Dad often read to his staff.

Trust In God
by Norman Macleod

Courage, Brother, do not stumble,
Though your path be dark as night;
There's a star to guide the humble,
Trust in God and do the right.

Let the road be rough and dreary,
And its end far out of sight,
Foot it bravely, strong or weary;
Trust in God and do the right.

Perish policy and cunning,
Perish all that fears the light;
Whether losing, whether winning,
Trust in God and do the right.

Trust no party, sect or faction,
Trust no leaders in the fight;
But in every word and action
Trust in God and do the right.

Simple rule and safest guiding,
Inward peace and inward might,
Star upon our path abiding;
Trust in God and do the right.

Some will hate you, some will love you,
Some will flatter, some will slight;
Cease from man, and look above you,
Trust in God and do the right.

What do you think of the life lessons Mart learned from his father? Did this article prompt you to think of your own father and the lessons he taught you? Let Mart know. He'll try to read all responses, but may not have time to respond to everyone. Reply to this e-mail to send Mart your comments. martsarticle@rbc.org

Please feel free to share this article with a friend.

© RBC Ministries - Grand Rapids, Michigan

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The Old Man In The Famliy

The frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law and four year old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together at the kitchen table every night. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating very difficult. Peas and corn rolled off his spoon onto the floor and when he tried to grasp a glass of milk, his milk spilled on the tablecloth or the floor.

The son and daughter-in-law soon became very irritated this with mealtime mess. "What are we going to do with father, the son asked? I've had enough noisy eating, spilled milk and food all over the floor." Finally the husband and wife set up a small table in the far corner of the kitchen.

At mealtime, while the rest of the family enjoyed their dinner together, the grandfather ate alone in the corner. Since the grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. Often when the family members glanced in the grandfather's direction, they detected a tear in his eye as he sat eating his meal alone. Still, the only words the couple ever had for him were sharp admonitions whenever he dropped his fork or spilled his milk.

One evening before dinner, the father noticed sawdust and several wooden scraps on the floor. He sweetly asked his four year old what he had been doing. The boy looked up from the block of wood he had been working on and replied, just as sweetly: "Oh, I'm just making little bowls for you and mom to eat from when I grow up". The little boy grinned at his dad and went back to work.

The parents were speechless. Tears streamed down their cheeks. Though no words were spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband took the grandfather by the hand and led him back to the family table.

For the remainder of his days, the grandfather enjoyed every meal with his family. And for some reason, neither the husband nor his wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled or the tablecloth got soiled.

Children are remarkably perceptive. Their eyes always observe, their ears always listen, and their minds always process the messages they absorb. If they see us patiently provide a happy and healthy home atmosphere for all family members, they will imitate that strategy for the rest of their lives.

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An A+ Essay: Partners & Marriage

The A+ Essay (long but worth reading)

Eduardo Calasanz was a student at the Ateneo de Manila University, Philippines, where he had Father Ferriols as professor. Father Ferriols, meanwhile at that time, was the Philosophy department head. Currently he still teaches Philosophy for graduating college students in Ateneo.

Father Ferriols has been very popular for his mind-opening and enriching classes but was also notorious for the grades he gives. Still people took his classes for the learning and deep insight they take home with them every day (if only they could do something about the grades.....

Anyway, come grade giving time, (Ateneo has letter grading systems the highest being an A, lowest a D, with F for flunk), Fr Ferriols had this long discussion with the registrar people because he wanted to give Calasanz an A+. Either that or he doesn't teach at all... Calasanz got his A+.

PARTNERS AND MARRIAGE
by Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz

I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn't fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives.

When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering days and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate.

And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other's presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other's foibles.

It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the others habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other?

The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed.

It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages.

Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side. This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.

The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept up into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality.

This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each other's company over the long term. If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new.

Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.

After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can't accept, you will inevitably come to grief.

Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.

Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance does not become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood.

There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates.

So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of a miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word.

There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation. Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. We never question these, because we see them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe.

Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come. If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed.

We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a marriage. It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger. It never occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love could be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion. All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter.

But there is positive transformation as well. Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things. But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presences, two separate consciousnesses come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one. There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to say that there is not tension and there are not traps.

Tension and traps are part of every choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers. Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains.

But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one. Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is a specific gravity in the marriage commitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex.

So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom... endlessly.

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The Most Important Body Part

My mother used to ask me what the most important part of the body is. Through the years I would take a guess at what I thought was the correct answer. When I was younger, I thought sound was very important to us as humans, so I said, 'My ears, Mommy.'

She said, 'No Many people are deaf. But you keep thinking about it and I will ask you again soon.' Several years passed before she asked me again. Since making my first attempt, I had contemplated the correct answer. So this time I told her, 'Mommy, sight is very important to everybody, so it must be our eyes.'

She looked at me and told me, 'You are learning fast, but the answer is not correct because there are many people who are blind.'

Stumped again, I continued my quest for knowledge and over the years, Mother asked me a couple more times and always her answer was, 'No. But you are getting smarter every year, my child.' Then last year, my grandpa died. Everybody was hurt. Everybody was crying. Even my father cried. I remember that especially because it was only the second time I saw him cry.

My Mom looked at me when it was our turn to say our final good-bye to Grandpa. She asked me, 'Do you know the most important body part yet, my dear?' I was shocked when she asked me this now. I always thought this was a game between her and me.

She saw the confusion on my face and told me, 'This question is very important. It shows that you have really lived in your life. For every body part you gave me in the past, I have told you were wrong and I have given you an example why. But today is the day you need to learn this important lesson.' She looked down at me as only a mother can. I saw her eyes well up with tears. She said, 'My dear, the most important body part is your shoulder.' I asked, 'Is it because it holds up my head?'

She replied, 'No, it is because it can hold the head of a friend or a loved one when they cry. Everybody needs a shoulder to cry on sometime in life, my dear. I only hope that you have enough love and friends that you will always have a shoulder to cry on when you need it.' Then and there I knew the most important body part is not a selfish one.

It is sympathetic to the pain of others. People will forget what you said... People will forget what you did............. But people will NEVER forget how you made them feel.

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The REAL 7 Wonders of the World

A group of students were asked to list what they thought were the present "Seven Wonders of the World". Though there were some disagreements, the following received the most votes:

1. Egypt's Great Pyramids
2. Taj Mahal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter's Basillica
7. China's Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one quiet student hadn't turned in her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list.

The girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many." The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help." The girl hesitated, the read, "I think the 'Seven Wonders of the World' are:

1. to see
2. to hear
3. to touch
4. to taste
5. to feel
6. to laugh
7. and to love"

The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. The things we overlook as simple, ordinary and take for granted are truly wondrous!

Point to ponder:
The most precious things in life ... cannot be built by hand ... or .... bought by man.

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